So Why Punish The Kids?
by Dr. Kevin Ross Emery

The New York Times recently reported that over the nine years from 1994-2003 the number of children diagnosed Bi-Polar has jumped 4000%.  These kids are being treated with drugs that include anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, anti-depressants and stimulants.  I know from my work with the ADD/ADHD population that between the same time period that there was over a 400% increase of kids aged 2-4 being medicated, even though the Physicians Desk reference does not recommend common ADD drugs like Ritalin for children under the age of eight.  What’s going on?

Because of the ADD/ADHD focus my work took in the mid to late nineties, I often spoke about how these kids were like a computer virus to the mainframe we called public education.  These bright, inquisitive and challenging children exposed the deficiencies of the public education system and like anything fighting for its life, that system fought back.  A “drugging’em up and dumb’em down” attitude serves the system well.  In my book Managing The Gift: Alternative Approaches For Attention Deficit Disorder, I spoke about how ADD is part of the evolutionary process of the human species and why it is a gift. As my work continued I watched as diagnoses of all kinds increased.  I watched how medical cocktails were performing the chemical equivalent of a lobotomy.  Why?

Our children frighten us; they represent a level of change and self-awareness that frightens many of the people who we have allowed to rise into positions of power.  They question and see things that we don’t always want to see or acknowledge. Many of these questions make the powers that be uncomfortable or that they can’t answer.   

In addition, there are the things in our children’s physical, emotional and intellectual worlds which rob them of their childhood at younger and younger ages.   There is a level of anger at the loss of those things that were once taken for granted in this country by our children.  They get to hear and see, through movies and TV, a time when children were allowed to be children. They have glimpses of a time when there were neighborhoods and neighbors who were like extended families. They feel the loss of  present parenting, safe neighborhoods to play in, the freedom to be a child during childhood. Increasingly they are being sexualized from the time that they can walk and talk, or becoming sexual victims in increasing numbers.  The isolation of computers/internet/ texting is often seen as decreasing social skills. There is an increased pressure to be normal and perform up to the needed test scores while getting what they need out of over crowded classrooms and shrinking educational budgets.  These things and more are contributing to our kid’s anxiety disorders. Instead of making positive changes with them and in their environment we diagnose their malaise as a disease and medicate them with drugs, prescription drugs but drugs nonetheless. We make these choices and then are horrified when our teen-age child starts changing out the prescription drugs and replacing them with recreational drugs. Who taught them that drugs were the answer? We did.

Am I just singing “Auld Lang Syne” about lost childhoods?  No, time moves on but there is an adult/parenting responsibility to minimize the damage of changing times as well as maximize the good things that come as time marches forward.  Staying present and fully aware of what it is like to be five, eight, twelve or eighteen in today’s world is part of the requirement of parenting.  This happens through good consistent communications.  It must be clear to the child that the desire of their parent and adult authority figures is to know and understand the child’s world to assist and help them maneuver through it; not to judge it or correct it, but lovingly participate in it.

We the parents must also be the primary ears, eyes and understanding for our children and play this role with the knowledge that what is best for the system is not always best for our children.  Parents and guardians must be willing to fight when needed and always understand the child’s version of what is going on.  Sometimes that involves helping them to find the words to express their perspective on the world.  Don’t assume because they struggle in trying to communicate what is going on in the world that it automatically means that they are wrong or guilty.  Better to take the approach that you need to dig deeper and help them find a better way to communicate their needs and what is going on from their eyes.   Lastly, when going in the place of being your child’s intermediary in the world do your best to check your own baggage at the door around authority figures or what people may think and if you don’t think you can do this then find your child an advocate who can.

So where do we go from here?  Straight to better diets, more communication (the non-judgmental kind), joint family activities and mediators when necessary.  In 17 years of Spiritually based coaching and counseling I have NEVER found the following to help to facilitate positive change:

We need to recognize our children’s individuality and that they have their own path.  We need to role model to them what we want to see from them, set good boundaries, be consistent and teach them about actions and consequences. 

Dr Kevin is the author of several books, DVD’s & CD’s  including Managing The Gift: Alternative Approaches for Attention Deficit Disorder and works with clients throughout New England as well as around the world.  He is about to launch a radio show Outside The Box with Dr Kevin and a Daily Practices CD as an accompaniment to the Managing The Gift book. 
You can find him online at www.kevinrossemery.com